ARTISDEAD

Obsession

STUCK is my obsession. STUCK is a reality where other people have no control over my emotions or actions. It is a reality where I am fully capable and unencumbered by self-doubt or the absence of any self-esteem. It seems the irony in my obsession lies in the fact that I am actually quite stuck in a desperate reality, and this new one remains a postcard pinned to my wall from an old elementary school friend off living a better life someplace far from here.

It has recently come to my attention that despite my work being centered around depression, I am a romantic at heart. I guess that’s what separates a simple stock photo Photographer from an artist or performer. I like to think that many of the photos I take pull emotion from you. I would hate to be seen as just another photographer or some greenhorn with an entry-level DSLR. Which is partially true, but only technically.

I don’t know the purpose of posting my work, or making it known to anyone. Throughout all of it, I’m really just talking to myself. There are things in my head, thoughts in my head that I can’t stop or think through properly without putting an image to it. Like a face or a picture of an abandoned car riddled with bullets. The truth is I don’t understand my art either. I don’t expect others to care for it, but it means everything to me. No one will ever be able to take these pictures or feelings away from me. My thoughts will always be my own.

This post is proof that deep down I’m not STUCK. Deep down, I love my thoughts. I love my dark obsessions and fantasies. I know I can get past these things and become a new, more productive person with goals and achievements, but I am madly in love with destruction. I love pain. I love the thought of being stuck and being the forgotten scumbag artist that was never appreciated. Here I am, spilling my darkest thoughts on the internet. Welcome to the 21st century.

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