ARTISDEAD

BREAKING NEWS!! Writer’s Block kills thousands of innocent people

When one cannot write, they are forced to think. Why can’t I write? What is blocking me from the next critical thought? What am I doing wrong? This is exactly what independent writer and creative producer, Jake Nielson was thinking as he stared at his computer screen for hours one Saturday night. His girlfriend already fast asleep, he skulked in his living room clasped firmly to a bottle of Irish Whisky as he lost his mind. Jake suffered from what doctors and researchers are now calling, “Writers-Block,” and is said to affect hundreds of thousands of writers each and every day.

In more severe cases, writers have been found to take it a step further and beg the question, “Why can’t I write?” It seems very much the same question but you’ll see, I have italicized the I, so there’s an obvious emphasis on the self.

Writers describe the experience as a sickly acid flashback. A writer who has survived Writers Block 3 times describes the experience for us;

“I was standing in a foggy meadow, like in England or some shit. An- and there’s this wall in front of me, right? But it’s like, a really big and dark, scary kind of wall, okay? I look to my left and look to my right but the wall keeps going, you know? So I’m like, well this is pretty scary my dude. And my heart started racing, going all fast and shit. But I noticed a little hole with these weird neon signs like, from the cartoons and shit telling me to go down this hole. So I’m like, yo I could totally go down that hole, and get around this big ominous wall, right? So I’m walking, you know, taking small steps towards it. Being Careful! But once I stood over that hold and looked down, I couldn’t help it, I just fucking dove right in man, just like that. O- okay it’s more like I stepped too close to the edge and like, fell in, but I’m not a loser who would do that, so I totally dove in like a badass because I’m not afraid of like, thoughts and shit, you know?”

At the bottom of this hole, researchers have found that there exists a cloud of gas that once inhaled, hurls the writer into an immediate existential crisis from which they won’t return. This is why so many writers turn to the booze and prescription drug abuse and sex. Nasty, vile sex.

As you can see, Writer’s Block is a very dangerous and damaging disease. If you or anyone you know is suffering from Writer’s Block please, for the love of God go to JAKENIELSON.NET and buy his merchandise.

 

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